Really guys I so don't care about this episode, I just want to get through it because the next episode is sexy vampire lesbians!
Sooooo we have a giant in this episode, and the CGI is spectacular...ly awful! YAY! Goliath the giant and Xena are friends... kinda. They used to be but some other giant killed this giants family so now he's all crazy and bent on revenge. Gabby's all, "I think I'll take a walk... let you two catch up." I would too Gabrielle, that guy is large and might squash you if he sneezes.
There are some thugs, aren't there always? Xena and Gabby fight them off. This is getting really confusing because I'm actually in the process of re-watching Xena with my lady and we're on the fifth season right now, and I'm doing this for my blog, and for a second there I was like, "WOAH! Why is Gabby's hair long again? WTF?" But then I figured it out... OK! Drunk ramble over.
MOVING ON! There's some plot here about an army who has hired a giant to fight for them. Also there is a kid named David... from a father named Sol... I think I know where this is going!
Blah, blah, blah UGH this episode is not entertaining enough for my inebriated brains. Some more fighting is commencing and Gabby is being adorable and Xena is being sexy. These are the usual things. They have a little heart to heart chat on the balcony. It ends with some super cute hand holding.
This is their first REAL hand holding for comfort/cuddles moment so it's very important! Plus they just stay like that while watching a thunder storm and talking about their feelings. That is such a lesbian thing to do.
More fighting, there is just a lot of fighting in this episode. For some reason Xena has to kill her once friend giant. I'm not really sure why... Anyways she throws a freaking bag of salt in his eyes in order to escape him. HA! That's great. Who just has random bags of salt laying around? These crazy villagers apparently.
Surprise, surprise! The David kid says he will be the one to take down the giant. XENA HISTORY! It's fact.
By the by, there is a lot of gratuitous touching in this episode. You just need to look for it. Mostly it is Gabby putting her hand on Xena's back. You know, for comfort. OR because Xena has a sexy back. I'm just sayin.
EPIC BATTLE IS EPIC. David the young child, takes down Goliath the giant. Raise your hand if you saw that coming!!
Once the giant is dead the thug army takes off like a bunch of frightened rabbits. But not cute because bunnies are cute. Big ugly guys with dirty armor and stubble are not. In fact, I would have to argue that a giant lop eared bunny with fuzzy fur munching on a carrot might be one of the cutest things ever. Where were we?
Everybody is happy, all is saved, well except the giant that died... Blaaaaaaaah. TOMORROW we're going to get to see some vampire action. And I won't be drunk rambling at you. Also there will be a bunch of awesome screen caps. YAY!
*No Bible myths or icons were irreparably mangled during the production of this motion picture.*