Monday, September 24, 2012

*dusts off blog*


So... life happened. I make no excuses.


HOWEVER! It has settled a bit and I have more time on the weekends now so I came back to my poor, lonely, abandoned blog to see if there was perhaps still interest in continuing the epic Retro-Recaps of Xenaverse? Let me know? I might just continue it anyway because I want to. SO THERE! 

Also, I have no idea where I got the truly glorious image above from. I didn't make it but it was on my desktop so I assume I saved it from my internet ramblings because I loved it so much. If it's yours let me know so I can credit you!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Episode 39: A Day In The Life

THIS EPISODE IS AMAZING. IT IS EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT XENA. CAMP. SUBTEXT. HILARITY. PRACTICALLY ZERO PLOT. NAKED WOMEN IN BATH TUBS.

Alright, I'm done with my all caps tangent. I didn't even press the caps lock for that. I just held the shift key down the whole time. I'm now thinking that was ridiculous. As is the amount of capital letters. Oh well! I don't delete things here on this blog. Things just spew forth from my brain into my fingers and onto the screen! Makes it more fun that way. Let's move on!!

Firstly, a disclaimer. This episode is way too awesome for me to give it appropriate justice in a tiny post. Just do yourself a favor and go watch it again. There are so many little moments that are super cute/hilarious/spectacular that I just can't fit them all in. So go watch it! I'll still be here.

Waking Up: We open on a fight scene and Xena is beating up baddies with a frying pan. Their only frying pan as Gabby points out in annoyance. And as Renee points out in the video commentary, "It just cracks me up. The marriage is in place, right." Because, in the words of Lucy Lawless, they're married man!

Xena: "I like to be creative in a fight. It gets my juices going!"
Gabby: "Can we cook with your juices?"

Oh, you two.

Finding Your Way:
I love this screen cap. Love love love love love! I love it when Xena grabs Gabby. Also, Renee's face is glorious.

Making a Decision: Gabby weighs the pros and cons... Xena flips a coin. Now we know how the decisions are made.

Traveling:
Xena and Gabby are basically playing 20 Questions and it is adorable. Gabby tries to hit Xena with her staff. It is a failure.

Gabby: "I almost got you that time."
Xena: "No. You didn't."
Gabby: "What are you talking about? I was this close!"
Xena: "You were this close, because I let you get this close."
Gabby: "We'll see."
Xena: "Oh?"


Challenge accepted! Now they are off to fish for breakfast.

There is a dead fish in this lake scene and Lucy is very concerned about it. And no one can figure out why the heck it is there. "Just go get the dead one Xena!" lol.

Instead Xena decides to catch an eel for Gabrielle. Which she then tosses at Gabby. It's pretty gross. Xena makes a beautiful face. And poor Renee apparently got pelted with fish over and over again as she cringes in the video commentary from the sheer memory.

I love this. Look at Xena's adorable dirty toes. Also the eye goggling.

Screw it. I'm doing another one. Because I can.


Gabby uses Xena's chakram to cut off an eel's head. Funny how she really seems to be struggling getting the chakram through that eel, yet it slices through metal, wood, and rock so easily... That chakram, it has a mind of its own I tell you!

A Call From Nature: Gabby's being all cute acting out one of her scrolls. Theeeeen we figure out that Xena just used a part of her scroll to wipe her butt. Angry Gabby is angry.

Lucy: "They love to torture each other, eh?"

Too true. too true. It's what makes them soul mates. No one can annoy you as much as the person you love.

Giving Directions: I love how Xena just grabs Gabrielle all the time. The ear, the hair, the boobs. It's all good.

According to Lucy Lawless in the video commentary, she wanted Xena to be illiterate but they (Tapert and Co.) thought that would make her seem too dumb. I think that it would have been pretty hilarious, but I get why it wouldn't have worked. Anyways, there is a naked Gabby and Xena in a hot tub right now. Lets just do a bunch of screen caps, shall we?

Awwwwwwww, Renee blushed when she read the soap bit in the script. That's just ridiculously cute.

Xena: "Are you sitting on the soap?"
Gabby: "I was wondering what that was..."

Hee. Then they have a splash fight. GAY. All logic points to a lady on lady splash fight with that much chemistry ending in making out. Just saying.

Practice Makes Perfect: Gabby tries to hit Xena with her staff again. It fails again. We also find out that Gabrielle traded Xena's whip for a new frying pan. By the way I have completely ignored the gloriousness of Alison Wall aka Minya, but this episode is her first appearance and I love her.

Trial and Error: Xena invents the kite!! Let's also point out how great it is that Gabby and Xena argue all the time. SERIOUSLY. They are just so perfect together. Even when Xena's "flying parchment" knocks Gabby out. They still looooove each other.

Gabby tries to get the drop on Xena AGAIN. As Lucy says, "She's a baaaaaad little minx!" Indeed! See how she cleverly pulls herself up off the floor?

Waiting for Gareth: Xena plays around with her chakram and it is hysterical. Like she's just bored and throwing it around. Great stuff.

Blah, blah, blah, Xena kills the big bad giant with her kite/electricity invention. And that is the only plot this post gets!

Going to Bed: Xena and Gabby are sharing a bed roll and being all cute side by side looking at the stars. GAY.

Also Gabby finally manages to smack Xena with her staff! In the nose! But did she really do it? Or did Xena just let her do it? Hmmmm.... Either way, Gabrielle adores her. Obviously.


Those are totally eyes of adoration. Then they kiss and make up.


That is my all time number one favorite Xena/Gabrielle moment by the way.

Renee: "Oh, stop that you two!"
Lucy: "C'mere and gimme a cuddle."

So cute. There is no way I did this episode justice, but it was so much fun! Hope you enjoyed!

*No slippery eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite the reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world.*

Friday, August 12, 2011

Episode 38: A Necessary Evil

So here's the thing guys. We are going to hustle through this episode because I really just want to get to the next one. I'm just going to highlight the REALLY important parts. Like this exchange.

Gabby: "Queen Gabrielle. Hm. Does an Amazon Queen beat a Warrior Princess?"
Xena: "Do you really want to find out?"

The adorable grins! They kill with their adorableness!

So Gabby is an Amazon Queen forever and evers. But uh oh! Velasca is back! And she's pissed! And she has delicious ambrosia that looks like a fruit snack! AND SHE BECOMES A GOD! We all saw this coming.


Her eyes do that glowy white thing so we know it's going to be bad. Also, she has it out for Gabrielle. Xena will protect her lady!

Blah, blah, blah, fight, fight, fight. Velasca is kicking everyone's ass and burning the place to the ground. In the midst of all this peril, Xena and Gabs make time for some totally gratuitous touching, like they do.

YAY! CALLISTO! I love her creepy minxy villainous ways. There is some plot to bring her out to defeat Velasca. It sounds kinda crazy but I've learned to trust Xena's judgment. Gabby is a little less sure... However the plan goes into motion regardless of Gabrielle's caution.

Callisto immediately starts acting like a bitch, and I love her for it. Also she has a pretty spectacular scar that miraculously disappears later on.


More plot crap. Callisto is making Xena apologize in public for what she did to Callisto's family. Meh, it's not that exciting. Xena pretty much does that all the time. You know, apologizing for her past wrongs, saving the world to atone for it, the usual stuff. It seems to affect Callisto more than anyone else.

Moving on! Sneaky plans commence for getting rid of Velasca. With a rock slide, of course. But she is only stalled by the rocks this time. Those rocks just aren't doing their job correctly!

Gabby and Callisto have a fireside chat. It's... interesting. We get more insight into Callisto's character. I'm going to move on because we all know it already.

Oi, this episode just goes on and on and on. Some gratuitous touching to soothe the boredom? Yes please.


More fighting, Callisto betrays Xena (surprise, surprise), Callisto becomes a god, Callisto and Velasca have a pissing contest to see who is more bad ass, they both lose because Xena knocks them into a lava pit. Xena wins!

Moral: Don't try to out bad ass the most bad ass of them all.

Final thoughts: Does this Velasca/Callisto figurine truly exist and where can I find it?


*The reputation of the Amazon nation was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.*

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Episode 37: The Quest

This episode is fantastic, and totally makes up for the last one. BRUCE CAMPBELL! Has everyone caught on that I adore Bruce Campbell? Cause I do. I even own that ridiculous alien movie he and Renee O'Connor made together. How could I not? It has two of my favorite people in it! The fact that the actual movie is pretty much the worst thing ever created is regardless. I can't remember the title right now and I am too lazy to either go look at my DVD's or look it up online. This is ultimate laziness. Onward!

Gabrielle wakes up screaming and crying and she looks SO SAD and I just want to give her a giant hug.

She crawls over to what we all assume is Xena's coffin and basically tells her how much she misses her. This might be breaking the downer mood here, but when exactly did she get this intricately carved coffin with Xena's signature breast plate design on it?

Do they just carry it around in the event of emergencies? Ok, ok, I won't question the fallacies of Xenaverse. We could be here for years.

Some thugs happen upon Gabby and try to take Xena's body so they can sell it. You poor poor thugs. Gabby just lost her LLBFF. Now you have pissed her off. Pissed off Gabby is a force to be reckoned with.

She puts some hurt on the thugs and then Iolaus randomly shows up. He helps with the thug bashing then learns about Xena's death and starts crying. They discuss how much Xena meant to them and work through some grief and I'm sorry but it's really mushy and I don't really do mushy unless it's Xena and Gabby mushy. Moving on!

Side note, I love that Gabby is still walking beside Argo instead of riding her. Consistent characters! You're doing it right.

Amazons! They've come to pay their respects to Xena's body. Ephiny! I always love me some Ephiny. There's a new Amazon here and Ephiny's face gets really angry looking as soon as she starts speaking so I'm going to trust Eph's judgement and assume this Amazon is a jerk. Plus, you know, I know she is a jerk.

Now, personally I LOVE Melinda Clarke (jerk Amazon aka Velasca). But only because she was really really attractive and kick ass in that one Firefly episode. She's not so much in Xena... mainly because in Firefly she has more meat on her bones. I like my women a little curvier and softer, what can I say? Also, as Velasca she is less kick ass, and more crazed bitch. Ok, end tangent. I'm doing a lot of those today... Sorry!

Finally! Bruce! He's stealing some sort of dagger. In the midst of his escape, we hear a strange ethereal Xena yell. The he starts convulsing as if someone is jerking his puppet strings. Hmmmm, I wonder who it could be??

Meanwhile there is a bunch of plot happening amidst the Amazons and Velasca's crazyness. Gabrielle is set on taking Xena home to bury her next her brother like she wanted. Ephiny wants her to stay and give Xena an Amazon burial then challenge Velasca and take her place as Queen. DECISIONS!

Bruce is freaking out about his body hijacking. He tries to get drunk but Xena steps in and starts talking to him from within his head. She wants him to steal her body away from the Amazons. He thinks he's going crazy. He looks a little crazy...

The comedic acting here is absolutely SPLENDID. Oh hey! It's Xena! In a bucket of water, and apparently naked. She explains the plan to Bruce and off they go!

Gabby has decided to give Xena an Amazon burial and take over as Queen. She looks a little unhappy about it though.

Bruce sneaks into the Amazon village and starts the process of stealing Xena's body. He's dressed as an Amazon. He has a fuzzy stomach. It's fantastic.

Sooooo Gabby is about to accept the role of Queen and Velasca FREAKS out and throws a knife at her. Then starts complaining about how she should be Queen. Gabrielle is not having any of it. She's still grieving guys, therefore she is PISSED. She chases Velasca off, accepts Queen status, then goes to visit her dead soul mate to tell her it's time to let her go. We all scream NOOOOOOO!

Now, I know it's just Xena's coffin buuuut I'm still going to call gratuitous touching, because Gabby is totally feeling it up.

Uh oh. Gabby walks in on Bruce trying to steal Xena's body! She jumps to the conclusion that he's doing it for his own selfish reasons. He attempts to explain to her that Xena is inside his body, even though Xena warns him not to try and explain. Both the ethereal Xena voice and Gabby tell him he's pathetic, one right after the other. It's hilarious.

So they are about to light Xena's body on fire for the Amazon burial, but out pops Bruce/Xena! She has momentarily seized control and this means we get to see Bruce Campbell do the Xena yell and flips, plus chakram action. Pretty much the best thing ever.

Gabrielle is on to it! Of course she recognizes it's Xena in Bruce's body! Soul mates duh.

Velasca uses Gabby chasing off after Bruce/Xena as an excuse to say she's a traitor and take control of the Amazon's again. Cause she's a jerk.

Now we have some spectacular subtext. Xena takes control of Bruce again and starts talking to Gabby. She tells her to close her eyes tightly and think of her. They are magically transported to some sort of smoky afterlife place? I dunno. The important part is how cute they are as Gabby tells Xena she can't lose her again. And Xena tells Gabby she'll always be with her. THEN THEY KISS. Kinda...

Right before their lips touch it cuts to Bruce and Gabby kissing instead. Booooo I say. They break away all confused. Well, Bruce is confused, Gabby looks disappointed cause they aren't real Xena lips. Then we get this fun subtextual exchange.

Bruce: "Well, I hope you two... worked things out."
Gabby: "We did, thank you. I mean that."
Bruce: "Oh certainly. Whatever's necessary, I'm here for you both."
Gabby: "Autolycus? Get your hand off my butt."

Psh, you know that was Xena's hand and he just "forgot" to move it when he got control of his body back. Xena uses his own fist to punch him in the head for touching her woman, even though it's kind of unfair because she did hijack his body to make out with her. I'm just sayin'.

Looooots of plot. Velasca is crazy, she wants the ambrosia that Xena is trying to get, so she can turn herself into a god. Fighting ensues. Oh, and Xena is inside Gabrielle's body now. So many innuendos, so little time.

Fight, fight, fight, Gabrielle defeats Velasca and catches some ambrosia in her bra which she then feeds to Xena. With some weird connections, I basically have come to the conclusion that Xena woke up because of Gabby's succulent breasts.

Xena's back! Gabby's happy! Gratuitous touching ensues! Oh, and Velasca sneakily managed to get some ambrosia... but that's for next episode.


*Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.*

Friday, August 5, 2011

Episode 36: Destiny

Happy birthday to me!! Let's do a recap to celebrate my aging! Onward!!

Unfortunately, I had to sit through the Rob Tapert commentary for this episode. BLECH. I realize that he is the talking head behind the series, but he is SO BORING. But I told myself that throughout the course of this blog I would watch any commentaries there were for the episodes in case there was a fun fact or two to share. However, Tapert is a blah blah blah Goob droning on and on and on about boring boring things. In fact, every time I get sick of the boring plot stuff throughout any episode, I blame him. Okay, let's get on with this.

It's a flashback episode! And therefore relatively boring to me in my quest for silliness and subtext. So I apologize for the briefness of this post.

Gabrielle gets kidnapped! Along with a bunch of village folk. But don't worry, it's Xena to the rescue! Some dumb kid refuses to run away, and because of this, Xena gets slammed in the torso and smashed into a tree by a giant log while saving previous stupid child.

Before the evil guy can stab Xena in the heart, Gabrielle saves her life! Buuut manages to get stabbed in the leg at the same time. So now both our heroes are injured, especially Xena who is bleeding from the ears, mouth, and nose.

That is never a good sign.

Xena starts cryptically talking about some girl who can save her and a mountain she needs to get to. Gabrielle is rightfully concerned about how the heck she is supposed to get an unconscious Xena up a mountain with a stabbed leg. But love can conquer all, so off she goes.

Begin flashback! Look, guys. I'm under the assumption that all of you are Xenites, and therefore have seen all these episodes, and this is my blog, and it's my birthday, so I am calling that a double prerogative to completely skip the majority of these very boring Caesar-centric flashbacks.

Gabrielle is cupping Xena's face. Probably because she is dying and hallucinating but I'm going to take my gratuitous touching where I can get it.

On a side note, Gabrielle is being super adorable and talking to Argo. I love it when those two get along.

Blah, blah, blah, more flashback stuff. The only thing of importance is the young lady Xena meets who ends up being the one who teaches her the trademark pinch. Also, I have a theory that Xena fell in love with her a little bit. Sh! Don't tell Gabby!

Sooooo Caesar betrays Xena then crucifies her and breaks her legs. The young pinchy lady saves her though. By bringing her to a special mountain healer. Tada! Connection! That's where Gabby is headed, although she isn't looking so good.

The things we do for love. She finally gets to the healer guys hut and he basically tells her there is not much he can do for Xena. Noooooo!

In flashback news, the young pinchy lady gets killed saving Xena from an arrow, and thus evil Xena is born. With a "new purpose of death". This flashback coincides with Xena's actual death. Gabrielle's face breaks my heart.

When Gabby cries, we all cry.

She keeps begging Xena to wake up and yelling at the healer to do something but it's no use. Xena's spirit has left her body and is now in some crafty green screen afterlife place with Gabby's voice playing over a bunch of adorable images of the two of them together.

"Xena, I know you can hear me. Wherever you are. I know you always told me to be strong. I can't be, not now. You can't leave me! I know it's not your time. I can feel it in my heart. I just feel this emptiness that I've never known before and it scares me. Xena, above all just remember your destiny. Remember it and fight! Just fight to come back! This world needs you. I need you."

Xena makes the obvious decision that she needs to get back and be with her soul mate. How will her soul come back? Hint! Bruce Campbell does some hilarious Xena impersonations.


*Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring soon thereafter.*

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Episode 35: Miss Amphipolis

Woo! I am on a productive roll today! A bunch of annoying grad school homework done and a blog post tonight! Thank you, thank you, I will pat myself on the back. Okay, enough of my humble self, let's get to what we all really care about! BOOBS!

Xena and Gabby are walking along the beach because apparently Salmoneus (Yay!) sent for them, when all of a sudden a pack of scantily clad women come running across the sand in slow motion. There are close ups. Because this show knew who their audience was.

Totally random side note! I used to work in a used book store and we also had a small DVD collection for sale. We had just gotten in season four of Xena and this like, nine year old boy, grabs it off the shelf, starts practically hyperventilating, and runs to his mom and begs her to buy it for him. She was all, "Um, are you sure? Do you even know what this is about?" All he did was give her this extremely exasperated expression and say, "Mom. It's Xena. She's HOT." No joke, true story. Needless to say his mother did not end up buying the box set. I felt so bad for him! If my mom had denied me Xena, I would be heart broken. End totally random side note.

Where were we? Oh yeah, scantily clad women and slow motion boobs. They are being chased by some thugs but Xena and Gabby fight them off by throwing clams in their direction. The clams make little noises when they are flying through the air. It is glorious.

Xena and Gabrielle get all pissed off because apparently Salmoneus wants them to help figure out some mystery killer in a beauty pageant. Neither of them are fans of beauty pageants. Luckily Xena takes one for the team and decides to go undercover as none other than Miss Amphipolis. Gabby and Salmoneus' faces are great.

Salmoneus looks overly enthusiastic as always, and Gabby looks like she is trying to figure out if she's jealous of anyone else seeing her lady all dressed up, or if she's excited to see it herself. It's a beautiful thing.

Blah, blah, blah, Xena gets introduced to the other pageant ladies and most of them are all rude and bitchy. Gabrielle looks HILARIOUS as Xena's "sponsor" for the pageant. She also has some ridiculous accent. Yay comedy!

Xena is attempting to pass for a pageant contestant. She isn't very convincing, but it's okay because they all seem pretty fake. Meanwhile, Gabby is telling the other sponsors, all men, that they are dumb heads and she is awesome and her contestant is going to win. So there.

More plot stuff, all the contestants have some sort of noble reason for wanting to be in the pageant, blah, blah, blah. Someone locks Xena in the sauna to get rid of her. Ha! Like Xena can be gotten rid of so easily. She whips off her towel and uses it to boost herself out! Also we get this.

I feel only a minor amount of shame. But not really.

Anywaaaaays, Xena comes out for her first appearance in the pageant as Miss Amphipolis looking like this.

And Gabby looks like this.

Then bites her lip. I love this show.

In plot news, someone has discovered Xena's true identity! It's one of the other pageant contestants. It's a man! A drag queen to be precise.


He is also the one who locked her in the sauna. But only because he wanted to scare her off because he knew she knew about him. He's pretty much adorable and just wants to let his inner diva out. Xena is also adorable and tells him not to worry about her telling anyone, "May the best person win". Aw.

More plot... I don't care about the mystery killer in this episode. There are a lot of attractive women and subtext. These things are more important. Such as Xena's facial expressions as Gabby is helping her get dressed and then just so happens to do something off camera that may or may not be construed in subtextual ways...


Carrying on! More plot. Salmoneus is singing. The contestants are really bad dancers. Xena is annoyed.

There's something about a thug trying to out Xena as being Xena but the drag queen saves her by dressing in Xena's outfit. If that sounds confusing it's because it is, and it makes no sense.
Whatever. The five finalists are chosen! Among them our very own Xena and the fabulous queen.

By the way, they are all vying for the title of Miss Known World. That just cracks me up.

Gratuitous touching!!

Sooooooo Xena is given this hideous dress to wear for the final talent competition, but she spruces it up all fancy with her handy dandy knife. She has many skills.

Guuuuh so much boring plot. More contestants tell Xena their woes and why they entered this dumb competition. Xena makes them feel better, like she does. Xena saves another contestant from murder and sabotage, like she does. Xena captures the bad guy and saves the day, like she does. We move on to more exciting things. Like the winner of the first Miss Known World pageant!

Xena has withdrawn her name from the competition. Then another girl withdraws her name based on some moral reason or another. Then another opts out, and another, and another. Finally, the only one left, and the winner, is the adorable and fabulous queen! YAY!

This gives us an exciting moment of subtext wherein the winning queen pulls Xena into a kiss and Gabrielle does this.


I love it when they get all jealous.

Phew! Lots of screen caps in this one! There were just so many awesome things happening, I couldn't stop myself. Until next time Xenites!

*In loving memory of Keith K. Walsh.* (Keith Walsh was Chris Manheim's gay brother who died of AIDS complications and inspired Manheim to create the character of Miss Artiphys, the winning queen)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Episode 34: The Xena Scrolls

Whoooo! Okay, I love this episode. I will probably be gushing the entire time. Why? Because any episode that takes Xenaverse into a different time period makes me happy. But also because Renee O'Connor is like... a bad ass female Indiana Jones, and Lucy Lawless looks REALLY good in this little get up she has going on.

I may or may not be a sucker for librarian glasses, red lipstick, and tight skirts... Moving on!

There is a gun showdown going down. It's really cool to see the roles reversed in this episode because Gabby's character is totally kick ass, and Xena's character is all proper and dainty.

Obviously they are not Gabby and Xena in this particular episode, buuuuut I'm going to keep calling them that. Because that's how I roll. Basically Gabby's character is an artifact hunter and Xena's character is there to translate ancient texts for her. They are searching for... THE XENA SCROLLS. I sense a reincarnation episode!

Oh, hey! It's Joxer! Or some silly French man who has a remarkable resemblance to him. I'm digging the mustache.

So they're all there to find the mythical Xena scrolls. There's also some evil Englishmen who is Gabby's character's rival. He's after the scrolls too. They all fall down a hole into an underground cavern. It's a party!

In another fun role switcheroo, Gabby's character tells everybody not to touch anything because of booby traps. Xena's character immediately proceeds to touch stuff and almost kills the French mustached Joxer.

Theeeeen they stumble upon a half of Xena's chakram! Xena's character is the only one who can pry it out of the stone (surprise, surprise) but OH NO! The evil British man has the other half! Hmmm... what to do?

Gabby's Indiana Jones character is going to kick some ass that's what. Of course, she takes a moment to shove Xena's attractive reincarnated body out of the way by touching her boobs. That's how I like to move sexy women out of harms way too!

Those two! Still getting their subtext on even when they are in a different time period. What can be said? Their souls just like to totally gratuitously touch each other.

Anyways, a battle ensues and Gabby's character triumphs, using none other than the ever useful rock slide. Man! The rocks in Xenaverse are like kryptonite to EVERYONE.

Unfortunately the British man bounces back quickly. It's okay though, because the two chakram pieces get reunited and out pops Ares! I'm never surprised when Ares crops up everywhere. He's like a weed. A weed with really fabulous hair.

Also, he kills British guy. And reveals that the French Joxer is not French at all! He's from New Jersey! Aw, there goes the mustache. It was sadly a stick on. There's a plot point as to why he was impersonating a French guy... but it's unclear and unimportant.

What IS important is that Xena is back! Somehow the reunification of the chakram has brought Xena's true soul to the surface of her previously dainty character. It's hot.
I really think it's the glasses you guys... I'm just really into those glasses. And the lipstick... Okay, I'm getting off track again.

She makes quick work of dispatching Ares and saving the day as usual. But then her Xena soul leaves and she's back to the dainty lady from before.

The Gabby character and the Xena character decide they are a pretty good team together (Duh) and ride off as partners in artifact hunting. Because their souls are drawn to each other like me to free Mexican food.

This episode ends with a fifty year leap to another Joxer look alike pitching the Xena scrolls to none other than Robert Tapert.

Because in Xenaverse, Xena is a real TV series based on real historical figures recorded in real ancient scrolls. It's glorious. I love this show.

*No Hollywood producers were harmed during the production of this motion picture.*