Ooooh I like this opening music, very dramatic. Combined with a dramatic scene of... fishing!! Gabrielle has caught a fish and is talking to it while Xena quips "Don't talk to your breakfast." While looking at her like she is the cutest thing ever because SHE IS.
Their serene fishing morning is interrupted by a dying dude who leaps out of the water at them and EXCUSE ME I just watched The Nun with some friends and if things could not jump out of the water right now while I am home and alone that would be great. Anyway there are some kinda racistly depicted tribal people attacking them for some reason now? I dunno, what I know is that when Lucy Lawless shouted "Get to the river!" her accent came out really strong and it was adorable.
Ok so we are getting some plot back story about these people named The Horde and how Xena is familiar with their scary selves. Xena is on edge and that understandably freaks Gabby out. I really like the scene where they are rowing down the river and members of The Horde appear from various camouflaged places as they pass, very cool.
Man this episode is dark! There are some dying dudes trussed up along the bank moaning and calling out for help, basically bait to try and get people to approach them and Xena is too smart to fall for it, but of course Gabby and her bleeding heart try. They manage to save one guy and then uh oh a waterfall! Now I know I'm supposed to be all *gasp* but it's so pretty! They shouldn't have made the drama waterfall so pretty okay.
Some more fighting and plot, Xena saves Gabby multiple times, lots of dudes die, Xena gets to use her whip! I love it when she uses her whip, it is often under utilized in my opinion.
So I guess there is some sort of fort that is under siege by these Horde guys. Now the warrior ladies are wrapped up in it. They really get themselves into quite the predicaments don't they. There is a lot of talk about the Horde being "things" "fighting like dogs" "inhuman" etc and I FEEL like there is some sort of resolution where we find out they have just been misunderstood this whole time and that these soldier guys are just ignorant jerks and therefore some redemption for all this very upsetting racist crap and... I hope that's true but you never can tell with older shows. I think there is though... I think Gabrielle figures it out.
Oh yep, here we go Xena is getting all war crazy and insane with power and Gabrielle is gonna be there in the clinch to bring her back to sanity. I remember now.
There is a lot of obnoxious plot. The gist is that Xena is taking over command basically and is all "Kill them all!" and bosses all these dudes around. Meanwhile Gabrielle is organizing the wounded and helping take care of them and assigning some guys to be nurses and aren't these two just the best power couple ever? Well... kinda because they get into a battle of wills here where Xena is like, anyone who is still walking is fighting, and Gabby is like uh excuse me these guys need R&R. So... it's not all peaches and rainbows for our two ladies right now.
Loooots of fighting and dying in this episode. Gabrielle watches as Xena gets way too into the killing and is appalled that she basically stabs a guy in his back while he is running away, but of course all the blood thirsty soldier guys love it and Xena is loving it too - hello she used to be big bad evil uber Xena - did you forget Gabby? I didn't because there are a billion fanfics about it. So, get your cute sweet self over there and bring your wife back from the brink of crazy!
Lucy's accent is so strong in this episode! It keeps slipping out and it's so cute. Unfortunately X & G are fighting because Xena is all "This is war! They are nothing like us! Kill kill kill!" That last bit is paraphrased okay. And Gabrielle is basically being Xena's conscious that Xena doesn't want to listen to right now, even if she does have adorable braids in her hair.
More plot and yet more fighting, Xena brings in one of the Horde guys and precious, innocent, Gabrielle is like what? You rescued one? And Xena is all hahahaha no no sweet child we are going to torture this dude for info. More racism with people talking slowly to the Horde guy in English like he will be able to understand a different language if they just talk to him like a baby? Also calling him an animal. Blegh, do not like! C'mon Gabby get this figured out already. Xena is being a biotch because her evil side is coming out and poor Gabby is so sad about it, and this whole mess with people fighting each other because they don't understand each other. Gabrielle is truly the best of them all.
So anyway, Gabby figures out the dying Horde guys are calling out for "kaltaka" aka water so she goes out there and starts taking care of them, much to Xena's dismay, especially when Gabrielle looks like she's about to be killed. She may be fighting with her but she doesn't want to LOSE her. Also Gabby is and will always be Xena's heart, which is what all those previously mentioned conqueror!xena fanfics are all really about, right?
Awww Gabby's actions brought about a little truce time so everyone could retrieve their wounded from both sides. Such a good. Okay I know Xena is being a psycho this episode but I really like watching her boss all these guys around.
Oh good, Xena's apologizing and they make up. About time. Xena goes out and defeats (not kills - growth!) the Horde's leader and saves the day like she do. But then the Horde kill their own leader for losing I guess? So everything ends well, except that I'm gonna deem this episode a bit too racist for my taste because there wasn't nearly enough discussion about how the Horde is being treated.
*To show sympathy for the Horde, "kaltaka" was only served upon request during the production of this motion picture.*
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