Gabby: "How was that?"
Xena: "Very good. You're getting the hang of it."
Xena: "Come on Gabrielle, you've been wanting to do this for ages."
What could they possibly be talking about? Then, Gabby dives under the water and all we see is Xena's face do this.
Gabrielle caught a fish with her bare hands! Not that kind of fish you dirty, dirty lesbians. Jeez.
Okay, back to the boring plot. Long story short, there's a young kid running away from his father/village because apparently some god told his father to sacrifice him. Sound familiar? It's similar to the story of Abraham in the Bible. I think... It's been a really long time since I was in Sunday School.
Anyways, Xena comes walking up out of the water, stark naked and dripping wet (from the lake water you pervs), and starts beating up on the baddies WITH A STRING OF FISH while simultaneously putting her clothes on. She has many skills.
Oh, hey look! It's Caesar! Well, not right now of course. Right now he is random evil character for this episode, BUT stay tuned! This actor will go on to play Caesar and Cupid and some random cave man in another one shot episode. That's four separate roles, folks. For one actor. Apparently someone really likes Karl Urban.
Blah, blah, blah plot stuff is happening. Xena and Gabby are keeping the poor sacrificial-bound kid safe. Xena goes to have a talk with the kid's psycho father. The real baddie here though is Caesar (we're just going to call him that) because he's manipulating the dad.
Whatever, what we all really should care about is that Gabby has eaten some bread that is laced with some hallucinogenic drug and is now stoned out of her mind and HILARIOUS.
As Xena wakes her up out of her druggie coma, we get this.
Xena: "Gabrielle, Gabrielle! Wake up! You alright?"
Gabby: "I'm great... I... I can't see, but I'm good."
Xena: "Try using both eyes."
Gabby: "Huh. Oh yeah, that's better."
Xena: "Think you can stand?"
Gabby: "You mean, I'm not?"
Xena: "Come on!" (pulls her up)
Gabby: (stares at Xena) "By the gods!" (promptly falls back on her butt) "You are BEAUTIFUL!"
Xena: "Uh huh. And YOU are DRUGGED."
Well, yes she is drugged. But that doesn't make this interaction any less AWESOME. Then Gabrielle starts walking around and acting like a crazy person while Xena tries to talk some sense into her.
Then she starts talking to the rocks like they are an army. Then like they are a choir. Oh my gosh, you know what? You just need to re-watch this entire scene. I can't do it justice. Go on, I'll wait.
So, moving on. A bunch of plot! What's new? Xena and Gabby get tossed into a well, that's what! Luckily they grab the rope and hang onto it, well Xena is hanging on to the rope and Gabby is hanging on to Xena. Xena tells Gabrielle to "climb up her body". I'm serious, that's what she said. I FREAKING LOVE this episode.
Xena looks like she is rather enjoying it.
Yay! They escape the well! Xena stops the baddie and saves the day, whooooooo! That was a super fun episode chock full of subtexty goodness! My favorite!
*No unrelenting or severely punishing deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture*