Yeeeeeeeees. This episode cracks me UP. Really, it's not that great. But the special effects for the Titans are hilarious. Also, it's the first time we see some jealousy from Xena over her lady love.
So, Xena is excitedly stalking some baddies. She's so hilarious when she's being all snarky. I also can only assume that this is the face she makes at Gabby when she's feeling particularly in the mood.
She beats them up, of course. Then she gets all pissy at Gabrielle for not getting Argo to her fast enough. "Don't be sorry, Gabrielle. Just improve." WTF Xena? Apparently it is that time of the month. I'm allowed to make that joke because I have that time of the month, and I know I'm a bitch that whole week.
Gabrielle runs off, miffed, and then butts herself into some random cult gatherings business. Gabby! Do you never learn anything!? Maybe Xena has a point... Anyways, she awakens some giant freaking TITANS because she reads from some scroll and she's a virgin. Like that's supposed to come as a shock.
Xena is beating up some more bad guys - there is a whole sub-plot here with Xena and this main bad dude, but I don't care about it. Regardless, Gabby swoops in with her new Titan followers in tow and demolishes the bad guys Xena was squabbling with. She's all excited to show Xena how useful she is. It's cute. Then there's this, "This is Xena! She's my best friend!" Uh huh... Suuuuuuure. She might be just your best friend NOW.
She starts ordering the Titans around like they are little play things. Power really goes to Gabby's head! (The Titans think she is a goddess) Xena's behind her all the way of course. Well, at least she makes a show of it in front of the rebellious Titan so he won't get any ideas.
While Gabrielle has gone completely power crazy, Xena is attempting to bring her back down to Earth. It doesn't help that some random guy character with the obvious hots for Gabby is helping to inflate her power bloated ego. Xena finds this obnoxious as well. That doesn't mean she's gonna let some jerk Titan squash her lady! Sword through the foot!
Naturally, this pisses the Titan off. He starts destroying everything, blah, blah, blah, plot. The Titan is going to kill a bunch of kids! You don't go after kids, dude. XENA! SAVE THE CHILDREN! This is how you know he's really evil.
Xena brings the kids safely back, but there's a plot to give her to the Titans so they will leave her alone. Stupid townspeople being stupid yet again. Their plot doesn't work, as usual. Blah, blah, blah, Gabby can stop the Titans by reading another scroll, but Xena says NO! Gabby thinks it's because Xena doesn't have any respect for her, but REALLY it's because Xena is over protective of her "best friend". She loves her and doesn't want to see her get hurt in a dangerous situation. It's so transparent!! Whatever, Gabrielle goes off to sulk with the annoying random guy's arm around her. EW.
Xena comes back later, presumably to apologize, and sees random guy and Gabby spooning in a bed together. Her face is tragic. Sadness, and jealousy, and want written all over it. TRUTHS.
Gabby: "What's the matter?"
Xena: "Nothing. I just..."
Gabby: "Thought I did something without thinking?"
Xena: "Well if you did it's none of my business."
Gabby: "Yeah, that's right! It isn't!"
Oh, come ON guys! This is like, the quintessential "repressed lesbian best friends in love with each other" argument! Two women who are "just friends" don't get jealous of each others relationships unless they want to be in a relationship with EACH OTHER. Again, so transparent. (Don't even get me started on that "Rizzoli & Isles" show that's out right now). Moving on...
Gabby sneaks back to the Titan's cave, prepared to turn them back to stone just to spite Xena. She gets captured, of course she does. She also uses her quick wit to stall, of course she does. Also, Xena acknowledges that she knows Gabrielle can stall for time. PROVING that Xena DOES respect her and have faith in her.
Anyways, AH! Gabrielle says the chant the Titans want her to do to wake up the other Titans isn't working because she isn't a virgin anymore! LIES I TELL YOU! No really, it is a lie. Xena looks ridiculously relieved.
Everything works out well, the day is saved! EW. Gross scene between Gabrielle and random guy. I'm not even going to recap what was said. Instead lets focus on the adorableness that is our heroes. "The point is, we're friends. And we shouldn't let things like that come between us." Even as Xena says the word friends, she makes this face like she KNOWS she doesn't just want to be friends with Gabrielle.
I think Xena knows way before Gabby. She is a bit more worldly. Also, she has been with ladies. There is EVIDENCE. We just haven't gotten there yet, but we will in a few seasons. Until next time!