Friday, June 3, 2011

Episode 6: The Reckoning

Apparently Gabby has somewhere else to be, since she is taking off on foot while Xena rides off to save some people from a mysterious black cloaked stranger! The mystery man is a spectacular fighter, as evidenced by the extreme WOOSHING! And the fact that he's not demolished by Xena. Oh yeah, and then he DISAPPEARS!

Xena gets caught trying to help some dying guy, but the crazy townspeople naturally think she's the murderer. DUMB. Note to self: All random townspeople in Xenaverse are stupid.

Okay, Xena and Gabby are back together, discussing the glorious judicial system which Gabby knows will save Xena from false allegations. Duh, Gabby. The law sucks. Xena knows this of course. On a side note, I think it is hilarious that Xena is always riding Argo and Gabby has to walk beside her. The trials and tribulations of a sidekick.

Oh, no! Gabrielle's been captured by the bloodthirsty townspeople! Of course she has. But Xena saves her by taking her place. Of course she does. That's what love is all about!

Gabrielle comes to visit Xena while she's all chained up in jail. Now, I'm trying really hard NOT to put this in a sexual context... but COME ON! Xena is in some very racy prison garb and all sexily chained up. Not like a normal, grubby, chained to a wall type thing. This was on purpose! I feel justified for my dirty mind.

The mystery guy is back and it's...... drum roll..... ARES! God of War! Xena knew this of course. Oh, Ares. I have a love/hate relationship with his character. On one hand, I adore him because he's hilarious and creates a great foil for Xena. On the other hand... GET YOUR HANDS OFF GABBY'S WOMAN YOU SKEEZE!

Blah, blah, blah Ares begins his never ending attempt to seduce Xena back to the dark side. This will happen constantly, and never works out well for Ares. Yet, he keeps coming back for more! He also never takes it too personally - like he knows she is always going to reject him. Another reason I like his character.

So, Gabrielle is trying to save Xena by using the justice system. Poor, naive Gabby. These townspeople are NUTS! So in a last ditch effort she puts herself between them and Xena. SOUL MATES people. Gabrielle is back to tracking down evidence and various such things to prove Xena's innocence. She's so cute. Also, she finds it! Ares covers it up though. Naturally.

Later on, Ares is whispering evil seductive warlike things in Xena's ear while she is getting unfairly beaten up by some cowardly townsperson. She goes CRAZY! Breaks out of her chains and starts pommeling people. This is what ares does. Bad Ares! He's loving it of course. Gabby comes in to try and stop the madness. Slow motion... Nooooooooooooo! In her hate filled, Ares crazed blood lust, Xena hits Gabrielle!! We're all as shocked and appalled as you, Renee O'Connor.

Now, Gabby is amazing and forgives her immediately because she knows it wasn't her. See, gabby GETS Xena. Completely. Which is why she is Xena's soul mate. Xena is all tough and angry and closed off on the outside, but really she is a sensitive soul and she NEEDS Gabrielle to get in touch with that part of her.

Enough of my sappy thoughts. Onward! Xena is seducing Ares (but not really). She's using him to clear her name, he's just too dumb and obsessed with her to realize it. She tricks him, as she always does, and he just laughs it off. I personally think he gets a huge kick out of it every time she beats him at his own games. Oh, Ares. You charismatic asshole. Also, we will be keeping an eye on Kevin Smith's (aka Ares') hair. It changes CONSTANTLY and it is always fabulous.

Yay! Everything is happy again! Except that Gabby still needs to get some pay back and TOTALLY punches Xena in the boob! Okay, okay, so it was more like her arm. But it looks like she missed and hit her fist on Xena's glorious breast armor.

Gabby: "Oooooooow!"
Xena: "What was that?"
Gabby: "Paybacks for hitting me."
Xena: (amused smile) "Feel better?"
Gabby: "I think I broke my hand! But... I do feel better."
Xena: "Good! So do I."

Oh, you two. So adorable. Stay tuned!


  1. I've just started reading your recaps and I love how hilarious they are. Because yes, Gabby and Xena are totally soulmates!

  2. Thanks! And obviously I agree! :D

  3. these recaps are so good and if i had a hot piece like gabby hanging around i'd constantly be rejecting ares too

  4. Aw, thanks! Yeah, poor Ares. He just doesn't stand a chance!

  5. See, gabby GETS Xena. Completely. Which is why she is Xena's soul mate. Xena is all tough and angry and closed off on the outside, but really she is a sensitive soul and she NEEDS Gabrielle to get in touch with that part of her.

    Aw, *sniff*. So true. TV's Greatest Love Story. X + G 4 Ever! <3<3

    ...that said, I la-la-LOVE Kevin Smith as Ares [RIP, Kevin. Can you believe he's been gone almost 10 years?] The dykiest dyke in Dykonia would have to admit he's gorgeous (even if said dyke---hey, that's me!---didn't want to actually do him). But he's just so pretty, and so kewl, and such a character [Even though, I would argue, he's still trying the character out here, vis-a-vis Xena (he was completely one-dimensional on HTLJ, so I'm leaving that Ares out). It's in "The Ties That Bind" he would really nail down the *funny* side of the God o' War. And then we'd have funny/smexy/kewl Ares for the rest of the series. God, I miss this show...]

  6. Ares is pretty much the coolest god ever. He and Aphrodite - they are just all around awesome!