Friday, June 3, 2011

Episode 5: The Path Not Taken

So we have two love birds talking about some sort of Romeo and Juliet type feud with star-crossed love and all that. The only redeeming bit of this scene is the dude's INSANE uni-brow! It is absolutely glorious, and I applaud this actor for rocking it.

So Uni-brow's lady gets kidnapped. Xena and Gabby are looking for some grub and Gabrielle makes one of my favorite comments of all time about some seedy bar. "Speaking of a meal, places like this always have the best food! And atmosphere. Two important ingredients to fine dining." Exactly! The best Mexican food is always to be found in those shady looking little holes in the wall where no one speaks English and everything you touch might give you a flesh eating disease. Oooooh, but the food is SO WORTH IT.

Anyways, LOOK! We get Lucy Lawless doing her first dragon impersonation. She did this all on her own folks, no stunt double for her! She is just THAT cool.

Then she puts her leg up on the table like the big old lezzie she is. Uni-brow comes over and asks if she's for hire. After Gabrielle defends her lady's honor thinking he means that OTHER kind of hire, Xena gets the scoop from him. Xena decides to help him get his lady back, like she do.

Aw, Gabby is so cute. All worried about Xena. Plus - breast dagger! I love that thing. You know what, it's going to get its very own caps from now on. Breast Dagger! So Xena heads off to the evil lair of the bad guys, Breast Dagger tucked safely away. She pretends to still be a bad ass in order to infiltrate. Apparently she has a friend named Marcus and they get all buddy buddy again. This guy actually comes back later in the series, so I felt I should at least mention him.

Plot, plot, plot. Blah, blah, blah. Gabby in stocks! She's so cute. Ah! She's scheduled for execution tomorrow. Don't worry, Xena will save her.

Meanwhile, Xena is totally losing her mind and kissing Marcus but thankfully remembers she is A) supposed to be saving Uni-brow's lady, and B) in love with Gabrielle. Anyways, a fight breaks out, as usual. And Xena kicks butt, as usual. Oh no! Marcus turns good and takes an arrow meant for Uni-brow's lady! He dies. Boo-hoo. He comes back later though, remember? How you might ask? But he's dead! Yeah, this is Xena. Like on Buffy, death is just a temporary thing.

They have a funeral and Gabby is there for moral support. The End! Hopefully the next episode will be more entertaining!

1 comment:

  1. "He was my friend": in Xena-speak, translates as "We f*cked. A lot." (note well, for all the times Gabrielle will get referred to as Xena's "friend" ;-p)

    Speaking of which: the Xena Dirge! First time! (It needs it's own caps too!) Oh Xena: dangerous breasts, AND a voice to die for!