Thursday, June 2, 2011

Episode 4: Cradle of Hope

There is a super boring opening scene here. Something about a child from a prophecy, you know how that goes. But then we get to a cute scene where Xena and Gabrielle discover a baby in the bushes. Their faces say it all. They make awesome co-mommies.

I love fake baby dolls. They look so BAD on screen. So the two new mommies save a woman from being hanged. She seems unperturbed by this because she's PANDORA! Well, a relation of Pandora anyways. And she must protect her box! Yeah, I went there.

There are some more sneaky townspeople. What is it with the creepy people? Don't they realize Xena is only there to help? Besides, you can't be sneaky around Xena! She's ON TO YOU. A fight scene occurs, complete with amazingly impossible acrobatics which only Xena could pull off. Then she puts the pinch on him! Is that a real thing? I feel like it should be, and I want to know how to do it.

Oh no! They stole Pandora's box! Don't worry, Xena will get it back. She has many skills. One of which is her dancing! Lucy Lawless can totally get down. So of course Xena uses her moves to dress up and infiltrate the bad guys. She gets into the main bad guys bed and gets a free back massage while getting information from him, then clocks him a fist to the face when he tries to put the moves on her. DUH! He's not Gabrielle.

She snatches the box and hurries back to Pandora before it's too late! There's a spectacularly cheesy slow-mo, but it all turns out alright. And what would you know? The king adopts the baby and fires the bad guy and all is well! But not before a fight scene WITH THE BABY getting thrown around everywhere. Also, Gabrielle can apparently not throw. Bad lesbian!

Until next time, Xenites!


  1. Their faces say it all. They make awesome co-mommies.

    Um, Xena's face says AT MOST, (female) daddy: "You change the diapers, I'll show him how to sharpen his sword." [I know this expression, because I'm wearing it whenever *I* am around a small child. ;-/]

  2. Gah, that last pic: COULD she be any more adorable? Oh, Young G. The beautiful music you and Young JCF could have made. Well, w/ the dismembered pieces of Young JCF, after Xena got done w/ me...