Episode 12: Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts

Blaaaaaaaah. I don't really like this episode. Okay, maybe it's not so much that I don't like it, but that the plot annoys me. Trojan horse, blah, blah, blah, everyone is inexplicably obsessed with Helen, blah, blah, blah, Gabrielle's old flame from her home town tries to mack on her - BOOOOO.

CUTE THINGS! Let's focus on the cute things. Xena and Gabby are walking along, talking about plot points that bore me, but then Gabby's all upset with herself because there's only one apple left and she feels like she should have picked up more supplies, and maybe they should stop in Troy. Xena is telling her not to worry about it because she doesn't want to stop in between the Greek and Trojan battlegrounds. Gabby's all, "I don't need food if you don't!" Then her stomach makes a giant gurgling growl of nomnom. Xena looks at her all adorably and tosses her the last apple. Awwwww :)


Oh, hey look! It's that guy Gabrielle was betrothed to in her home town. Except NOT because it is a completely different actor who looks nothing like that first guy. This is supposed to cause tension. It doesn't because this guy is a total GOOB and can't come close to comparing to Xena. It's just awkward.

Moving on! Ugh this episode is boooooring. Fight, fight fight, I want Helen! No I want Helen! Um, hey, Helen doesn't belong to anybody but herself douche-nozzles. Xena helps Helen figure this out by the end of the episode by the way. Because Xena is awesome that way.

I love how Xena uses any excuse to touch Gabby. So she's telling you some news and you decide to hold onto her arm.... for emphasis? The entire time she is talking? Riiiiiiiight. I call gratuitous touching!

So, Xena saves everyone yet again. Mr. Goob, as we will be calling him since he unfortunately returns later in the series, leaves to do some boring goob-type things somewhere else. Prompting Xena to ask the question, "I thought Perdicus (Mr. Goob) would be joining us for awhile...." To which Gabby responds no. Xena doesn't look to bothered by that if you ask me.


Also, this happens.

Gabby: "Do you want to go back for the horse? It's bound to be a collector's item."
Xena: "Only if you're gonna pull it."
Gabby: "Nah."

Oh, this show.

*No oversized Polynesian-Style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.*