We open on a hilarious scene wherein Gabby is practicing her staff moves on Argo. Argo is unamused.
Then Xena whistles from the bushes and the well trained and snarky Argo kicks the staff out of Gabby's hands and into Xena's.
Apparently, Argo and Gabrielle have issues.
Xena: "I wish the two of you would just get along."
Gabby: "It's not like we're at constant war or anything. Argo doesn't like me."
Xena: "Sometimes you have to have patience with things that annoy you."
Gabby: "Oh, I never said she annoyed me."
Xena: "I wasn't talking to you."
Argo: *laughs* (I'm serious, Argo does a horse whinny laugh. She is obviously not your average horse.)
Xena leaves Argo and Gabby alone and tells Argo to "be nice" and Gabby to "make sure the saddle is tight". I love the interactions with Argo, she is an often forgotten main character.
Now there is some plot... it's boring. But Salmoneus is here! Yay! As soon as Xena sees him she just gives him this LOOK. Oh, Salmoneus. He's always getting himself into trouble, even more than Gabby!
I'm not really sure why I feel the need to screen cap his face... he always kind of looks the same. But just LOOKING at him makes me laugh. I can't help it.
Anyways, in between this fight scene we are getting glimpses of a black leather clad individual fitting some poisonous arrow to a cross bow. An individual with crazy blond hair and psycho eyes. Who could it be? I bet you all know! So Xena gets shot in the neck with poison. Nooooooooooooooo! She keeps right on fighting though, cause that's how she rolls.
In the midst of a bunch of plot, Xena is starting to look more and more sickly, until she collapses in front of a baddie and he's about to run her through. Luckily Gabrielle has been learning a lot and stops him. Then Argo comes to their rescue and carries her and Gabby away.
This is not good. Not good at all. Now the enemy knows she's weak and they are going to come after her. She finally tells Gabrielle she's poisoned and Gabby's worried face is heart breaking, and a little annoyed. She's angry that Xena didn't tell her earlier. I would be too! Communication is key, ladies!
In order to convince the baddies that Xena isn't sickly and weak, they come up with the genius plan of dressing Gabby as Xena to throw them off. It's a glorious thing.
Gabby learns that she has to ride Argo to pull this off. Argo and Gabrielle both have trepidations about this plan. She tries to do the whistle thing to make Argo go, buuuuuut Argo lays down instead. Bahaha! Also, why is there a random lorikeet? Anyone have the answer to this question?
If you listen closely you can even hear the little lory say, "uh oh" when Argo lays down. I love the random subtle humor in this show.
Ok, back to Gabby being Xena. She approaches the army and is all, "Either leave this valley forever, or suffer the wrath of Xena!" She's so cute. The baddies meanwhile are like, "Does she seem smaller than before?" HA!
They aren't falling for it and chase her down. Luckily the real Xena peeks out of the stable where she's hiding and uses her chakram on them. She's really not looking so good. She tells Gabrielle that if she dies she wants to be taken back home and buried next to her brother. NO XENA! You can't DIE!
Plot things happen. Gabby as Xena is attacking the baddies with some bomb type things. Uh oh. They've caught her. Now they know she's not Xena! They send some thugs to take Xena down. Well, crap.
However, Xena puts up a hell of a fight for being practically on her death bed. Then Argo saves Gabby! Awwww, go Argo!
Gabby finally makes it back to Xena, but it's too late, the poison has got her. Gabrielle's face is so sad.
After kissing Xena on the cheek (first kiss by the way) she heads outside to take her grief out on a tree by beating it ferociously with her staff. This scene is just heart wrenching. Even though I know that Xena isn't REALLY dead, it still kills me.
The bad guys get a hold of Xena's body and want to "tear it limb from limb". Oh hell no. Gabrielle is pissed and she's as scary as Xena when she gets angry. Maybe even scarier since she's usually so sweet.
She starts kicking the CRAP out of the entire army, until she finally has a sword at the leaders throat. Unfortunately he quickly turns the tables and Gabby gets captured again.
They tie Xena up between two horses in order to rip her apart. One of whom is Argo which is a dumb idea because Argo is so loyal to Xena it's ridiculous. She refuses to budge even when they are whipping her over and over again. They are about to kill her when Xena comes back from the dead and starts wreaking havoc all over the place! Lot's of fighting later and they save the day! Also, Argo and Gabby are now friends! YAY!
Xena: "Gabrielle, when you thought I was dead you risked your life to try and take me back home."
Gabby: "It was your last wish. For all that you've given me and all the times you've saved my life, I would go to Tartarus and back just to carry it out."
Xena: "I used to wonder whether I'd ever make it back. Now I know one way or another I'll make it home. Thank you."
Gabby: "Change the subject. I'm gonna get all soft on you." (giggles)
Xena: "We wouldn't want that would we?" (huge smirk)
Throwing subtext in even when talking about Xena dying. Oh, you two!
Well, this has been a CRAZY episode. Lots of stuff going on, and soon we'll find out who our "mystery" poison dart shooter is. Like we don't already know.
*Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in to peer pressure. Play it safe.*