Thursday, June 16, 2011

Episode 22: Callisto

YES! Callisto is by far one of my favorite villains ever. She ranks right up there with Dark Willow in my opinion. Hudson Leick does an amazing job with this character, and I can not get over the way she moves. Like a SPIDER or something. It's crazy.

So anyways, Callisto is busily rampaging a village and killing everyone in sight. Men, women, children, you name it. She is superbly evil. Also, she's telling everyone she is Xena therefore giving Xena a bad name. She laughs her evil laugh and I am hooked. Best. Villain. Ever.

Now, because of Callisto's meddling Xena is being attacked by some man who thinks she murdered his son. She and Gabby head off to figure out what the hell is going on. On the way, they encounter JOXER!

Now, I realize that some Xena fans kind of hate Joxer. However, I am not one of those people and I will be professing my love for him often. I think Ted Raimi is adorable, and as annoying as Joxer is, he's also endearing. I think he adds a great element to Xena and Gabby's relationship and interactions.

He's funny and stupid but has a huge heart and reminds me of a puppy, following our heroes anywhere and everywhere, always needing to be taken care of. Every great lesbian couple needs a Joxer to care for. My partner and I have a few guy friends that fall into Joxer territory and they are super fun.

Carrying on, Joxer has delusions of being some great warlord. He also calls Gabby "little girl". Ha! Both Xena and Gabby can beat him up with their little pinkies. He wants to join their little band, but they ditch him and continue on their way to find answers.

Blah, blah, blah, a bunch of plot happens. More death and destruction. Finally Xena tracks down Callisto and we get to see them fight for the first time. HO SHIT! Callisto caught Xena's chakram! She takes it hostage. We also are informed that Callisto was the one who shot her with the poison dart. Duh.

I love the parallels between these two. It's beautiful stuff.

Some more plot happens. Callisto canoodles with her thug army. She geeks out about how she can follow Xena's every move. She gets so giddy when evil things are going her way, it's weirdly cute and is one of the reasons I love her so much. She completely embraces being just pure EVIL.

Joxer now approaches Callisto because he's still under the impression he can be a big bad warlord. Riiiiiight. She tells him to prove his warrior status by bringing her Gabrielle.

Blah, blah, blah, we discover why Callisto hates Xena so much through a fireside chat between our heroes.. Evil Xena was attacking a village and even though she never killed women and children, her army had started a fire and it ended up destroying the entire village with only a handful of survivors, Callisto is one of them and now she's all crazy. The IMPORTANT part of this scene is the sweetness that is happening between Gabby and Xena.

Gabby: "Look you promise me. If something happens to me you will not become a monster. There's only one way to end the cycle of hatred and it's through love, and forgiveness."
Xena: (pulls her into a hug) "Don't you go changing Gabrielle. I like you just the way you are. Now get some sleep."
Gabby: "No! No, you promise me."
Xena: (whispers) "I promise."
Gabby: (wipes Xena's tears away)
Xena: (pulls away) "Go, go on."
Gabby: (rests her head on Xena's shoulder and stays put)

I love this scene. It is so tender and so sweet. We get to see Xena's softer side and how vulnerable she feels, and even when she is trying to be tough, Gabby knows she needs her and refuses to leave her side. That's love. Pure and simple.

So Xena and Gabby are off to stop Callisto from killing some Oracle. As soon as Gabby is alone, Joxer pounces on her! I LOVE this. Gabrielle totally beats the crap out of him, and Joxer just fails in every single way. Gabby is so annoyed and exasperated and finally just tells him to stay down because she has stuff to do.

Meanwhile, Xena is thwarting Callisto's plans, and gets her chakram back. Callisto hisses at her. She HISSES. It's glorious. Cue horse chase! Argo is so beautiful. Well more specifically, the multiple horses they have play Argo are all equally beautiful.

Chase, chase, chase, fight, fight, fight. Xena finally captures Callisto and ties her up. Callisto's getting all up in Xena's head and attempting to make her feel as guilty as possible. "You created a monster with integrity, Xena. Scary, isn't it?"

Also, Callisto is just horribly amused by this whole trial thing. She is completely enjoying how much everyone hates her, and screwing with Xena of course. Really though, she is just trying to get Xena to kill her. All Callisto wants is relief from herself.

Sooooo the crazy town mob throws a burning torch in Callisto's cell. While Xena is trying to save her from that particular death, Callisto breaks free! And kidnaps Gabrielle! Every freaking time Gabby! Oi.

Callisto tells Joxer to kill the "irritating blond" aka Gabby. He can't do it. Because he's JOXER and he's a big old softy. Now he and Gabby are both tied up. But not to fear! It's Xena to the rescue!

The two fight on a bunch of random and precariously placed ladders. Xena saves Gabrielle, Joxer, AND Callisto - much to Callisto's annoyance. She just wants to DIE. But Xena won't let her get off that easy. Plus, Callisto is too awesome not to keep coming back.

Two episodes away from the end of the first season! Whoohooo!

*Joxer's nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, his crossbow was severely damaged.*


  1. This episode is definitely one of the most important of the series. It introduces 2 of the best characters on the show! I love Callisto and Joxer. I really can't see how anyone can not love Joxer.

  2. I completely agree. This is a crucially awesome episode.

  3. i love that you love Joxer too, i often found little love for his character but i love Ted Raimi so much that he makes Joxer so sweet.

  4. Agreed! Even though I don't always love Joxer, I always love Ted Raimi :)

  5. is that supposed to be a knife joxer is holding. lol. i've seen pocket knives that were bigger