Happy birthday to me!! Let's do a recap to celebrate my aging! Onward!!
Unfortunately, I had to sit through the Rob Tapert commentary for this episode. BLECH. I realize that he is the talking head behind the series, but he is SO BORING. But I told myself that throughout the course of this blog I would watch any commentaries there were for the episodes in case there was a fun fact or two to share. However, Tapert is a blah blah blah Goob droning on and on and on about boring boring things. In fact, every time I get sick of the boring plot stuff throughout any episode, I blame him. Okay, let's get on with this.
It's a flashback episode! And therefore relatively boring to me in my quest for silliness and subtext. So I apologize for the briefness of this post.
Gabrielle gets kidnapped! Along with a bunch of village folk. But don't worry, it's Xena to the rescue! Some dumb kid refuses to run away, and because of this, Xena gets slammed in the torso and smashed into a tree by a giant log while saving previous stupid child.
Before the evil guy can stab Xena in the heart, Gabrielle saves her life! Buuut manages to get stabbed in the leg at the same time. So now both our heroes are injured, especially Xena who is bleeding from the ears, mouth, and nose.
That is never a good sign.
Xena starts cryptically talking about some girl who can save her and a mountain she needs to get to. Gabrielle is rightfully concerned about how the heck she is supposed to get an unconscious Xena up a mountain with a stabbed leg. But love can conquer all, so off she goes.
Begin flashback! Look, guys. I'm under the assumption that all of you are Xenites, and therefore have seen all these episodes, and this is my blog, and it's my birthday, so I am calling that a double prerogative to completely skip the majority of these very boring Caesar-centric flashbacks.
Gabrielle is cupping Xena's face. Probably because she is dying and hallucinating but I'm going to take my gratuitous touching where I can get it.
On a side note, Gabrielle is being super adorable and talking to Argo. I love it when those two get along.
Blah, blah, blah, more flashback stuff. The only thing of importance is the young lady Xena meets who ends up being the one who teaches her the trademark pinch. Also, I have a theory that Xena fell in love with her a little bit. Sh! Don't tell Gabby!
Sooooo Caesar betrays Xena then crucifies her and breaks her legs. The young pinchy lady saves her though. By bringing her to a special mountain healer. Tada! Connection! That's where Gabby is headed, although she isn't looking so good.
The things we do for love. She finally gets to the healer guys hut and he basically tells her there is not much he can do for Xena. Noooooo!
In flashback news, the young pinchy lady gets killed saving Xena from an arrow, and thus evil Xena is born. With a "new purpose of death". This flashback coincides with Xena's actual death. Gabrielle's face breaks my heart.
When Gabby cries, we all cry.
She keeps begging Xena to wake up and yelling at the healer to do something but it's no use. Xena's spirit has left her body and is now in some crafty green screen afterlife place with Gabby's voice playing over a bunch of adorable images of the two of them together.
"Xena, I know you can hear me. Wherever you are. I know you always told me to be strong. I can't be, not now. You can't leave me! I know it's not your time. I can feel it in my heart. I just feel this emptiness that I've never known before and it scares me. Xena, above all just remember your destiny. Remember it and fight! Just fight to come back! This world needs you. I need you."
Xena makes the obvious decision that she needs to get back and be with her soul mate. How will her soul come back? Hint! Bruce Campbell does some hilarious Xena impersonations.
*Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring soon thereafter.*