Gabby: "Queen Gabrielle. Hm. Does an Amazon Queen beat a Warrior Princess?"
Xena: "Do you really want to find out?"
The adorable grins! They kill with their adorableness!
So Gabby is an Amazon Queen forever and evers. But uh oh! Velasca is back! And she's pissed! And she has delicious ambrosia that looks like a fruit snack! AND SHE BECOMES A GOD! We all saw this coming.
Her eyes do that glowy white thing so we know it's going to be bad. Also, she has it out for Gabrielle. Xena will protect her lady!
Blah, blah, blah, fight, fight, fight. Velasca is kicking everyone's ass and burning the place to the ground. In the midst of all this peril, Xena and Gabs make time for some totally gratuitous touching, like they do.
YAY! CALLISTO! I love her creepy minxy villainous ways. There is some plot to bring her out to defeat Velasca. It sounds kinda crazy but I've learned to trust Xena's judgment. Gabby is a little less sure... However the plan goes into motion regardless of Gabrielle's caution.
Callisto immediately starts acting like a bitch, and I love her for it. Also she has a pretty spectacular scar that miraculously disappears later on.
More plot crap. Callisto is making Xena apologize in public for what she did to Callisto's family. Meh, it's not that exciting. Xena pretty much does that all the time. You know, apologizing for her past wrongs, saving the world to atone for it, the usual stuff. It seems to affect Callisto more than anyone else.
Moving on! Sneaky plans commence for getting rid of Velasca. With a rock slide, of course. But she is only stalled by the rocks this time. Those rocks just aren't doing their job correctly!
Gabby and Callisto have a fireside chat. It's... interesting. We get more insight into Callisto's character. I'm going to move on because we all know it already.
Oi, this episode just goes on and on and on. Some gratuitous touching to soothe the boredom? Yes please.
More fighting, Callisto betrays Xena (surprise, surprise), Callisto becomes a god, Callisto and Velasca have a pissing contest to see who is more bad ass, they both lose because Xena knocks them into a lava pit. Xena wins!
Moral: Don't try to out bad ass the most bad ass of them all.
Final thoughts: Does this Velasca/Callisto figurine truly exist and where can I find it?
*The reputation of the Amazon nation was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.*