Episode 15: Warrior...Princess

YES. I love these episodes. Any episode with a Xena body double in it is going to be glorious. Mainly, because Lucy Lawless does some of the funniest voices/physical comedy on the PLANET. Obviously the shows creators and writers are taking advantage of Lawless' incredible skills because in the Xenaverse there are a ridiculous amount of women who surprisingly look EXACTLY like Xena, except they're not. We get to meet one of them now! Princess Diana!

Lawless completely changes the way she moves and speaks and it really does make me think there are two of her. It's spectacular! So basically there are some assassins out there trying to kill spoiled Princess Diana so the king wants to switch them up so Xena can catch the person behind the assassination attempts. Yeah, because putting your daughter in Xena's clothes and setting her out in the world is going to keep her out of harms way. Have you seen how many people want to kill Xena? Ridiculous.

Side note, I love it when Xena strips down to her under clothes.

Where were we? Oh, right.

Diana and Xena are switching clothes. Diana tries to "lighten up" Xena's outfit by tying red ribbons to it. Ha! It looks so awkward. Xena quickly takes them off, telling her that she has to convince people she's her, and she likes dark. Duh. Then Diana, dressed as Xena, rides out of the castle to meet Gabrielle with a note from Xena explaining everything. While riding Argo side-saddle. I love how many little lol moments there are in this episode.

Gabby beats up her first baddie all by herself! Yay! She looks so confused by the way Diana is acting, then she reads the note. The note still doesn't convince her though. "So... you're Princess Diana? Who just happens to look exactly like Xena? Ha! It's test day again, isn't it?" The thing that convinces her is when Diana starts to cry like a big blubbery baby. It's not that Xena wouldn't cry, she's not a robot! But she would NEVER cry like that.

Moving on. Xena isn't faring too well pretending to be Princess Diana either. Apparently Xena is incapable of being soft spoken or dainty. I'm loving Lawless in this episode! She's just so great at comedy and I love when this show gives her the chance to really let that show. She AND Renee O'Connor! They are always at their best when being hilarious.

Meanwhile, Diana is brushing Argo's tail. Ha! I bet Argo is fine with that! Gabrielle is attempting to teach her how ordinary people spend their time. Diana is appalled and vows to change things in her kingdom when she goes back to being princess. Then they sit down for some lunch and share it with this random starving family. One of the kids asks Diana what her chakram is, she replies, "It's my round... killing thing!" Gabby's all, "Chakram!" to which Diana responds, "Bless you!" Renee O'Connor's WTF face cracks me up.

Back to the palace we go! The look-a-likes need to switch back. Gabby has other ideas, obviously.

Gabrielle: "Nice place! A girl could get used to this!"
Xena: "Well, don't. We're leaving here as soon as I can get out of this outfit."
Gabrielle: "I like it."

If those aren't googly eyes, I don't know what are. Yay! The day is saved! Our heroes go on to subtext another day!

*Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.*

Episode 1: Sins of the Past

It's like going back in time! Which is ironically exactly what happens in these first few minutes. FLASHBACK! DEATH! EVIL XENA! By the way if you were expecting "real" recaps... you've come to the wrong place. What we've learned so far: Lucy Lawless looks adorable in her random headband that will disappear in a few episodes.

Carrying on, our first scene with the cuteness that is young Renee O'Connor. Hey! Don't hit my Gabby you evil thug! This is what Xena thinks as she swoops in with her bad ass moves to save the day. This is also our first Xena war cry. Oh, so many glorious firsts.


By the way, if you want to play a super fun drinking game with all your nerdy lesbian pals - here's a fun one. Drink every time... Xena does her trademark yell, Xena and Gabby make googly eyes at each other, Xena and Gabby partake in gratuitous touching. You'll be smashed in no time.

Also, we just met Gabrielle's future husband who is a completely random actor that we will never see again, even when he comes back for some more episodes later on! They do this often. They also reuse actors for multiple roles throughout the series. I love this show.

Blah, blah, blah Draco is a bad guy. I'm bored with him. Moving on! We all really only care about Xena and Gabrielle and their subtextual soul mate love. Am I right?

Sooooooo some stuff happens with a cyclops and more bad guys and Gabby is totally adorable trying to hitch a ride. We meet Xena's mum and she is COMPLETELY awesome and I kind of love her. We also figure out Xena's town and mum kind of hate her. Well that's what happens when you're all evil for a little while! You can't expect loves and kisses right away you know. You need your lady love to help you learn to forgive yourself first. Speaking of...


Here comes the lady love now! Using her quick wit and sharp tongue she convinces the town's people to spare Xena's life. Cause that's what she does. AND NOW! We get our first real scene of subtext and gratuitous touching and the priceless dialogue, "Xena! I could probably get up there behind you..." Of course you could Gabrielle ;) And then there's this, "I came all this way to see you!" Aaaaaaaw, they are so freaking cute. Now, I don't know about you guys, but if someone were to lift me onto their horse I wouldn't feel the need to stroke their thigh as I adjusted myself. UNLESS of course I wanted to hit that. Which Gabby does. Because Xena is her soul mate and totally hot.

Okay, so we have some stuff with Xena's dead brother, and then a way too long fight scene between her and Draco which is only worthwhile because they are fighting while balancing ON TOP OF PEOPLE'S HEADS. What? This show is crazy. I love it.

Yay! More Gabrielle and Xena love! Gabby rambles about excuses for why she is coming to sit at Xena's campfire. All I heard was, "Blah, blah, blah, I love you and I don't want to be without you." THEN! The sentence every budding baby dyke and seasoned lesbian can relate to, "I'm not the little girl that my parents wanted me to be." Been there Gabby. I feel ya.

Some adorable eye chemistry and smirks happen and the next morning they walk off together with the declaration of friendship. Where will it go from there? Tune in next week!